The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
(Psalm 34:18 NIV)
A glass slips out of my hand, I immediately grab a broom and sweep up the broken pieces and throw it in the trash. I make certain all the pieces are discarded so weeks later we aren’t performing surgery with a sewing needle to dig a piece of glass out of a foot. I make sure to prevent future pain from my mistake. Broken items immediately loose their worth in the world. Even a crack deems them damaged and no longer valued. If I dispose the glass in the trash, it goes to a landfill and looses value forever. But if I take the shattered pieces and place them in my recycle bin then within months this broken glass will be re-purposed to possibly become a test tube that holds the cure for cancer.
I viewed my own emotional brokenness the same way. I spent years hiding severe emotional, verbal, physical and sexual abuse at the hands of my stepfather. I believed the lies of the enemy that I was damaged goods and had lost my value because my scars of pain, shame and guilt. These, I thought, represented sin in my life. As a result, I wanted complete control over this pain and spent an enormous amount of energy trying to keep “it” together, fighting the insanity and hiding my brokenness in the deepest crevices of my soul. I suffered in a silent prison of pain. As I swept up my broken glass and took it to the garbage, I kept my pain well hidden and even feared that, as the residue of glass on the floor could injure someone, my pain could hurt others. I embraced silence as a way to protect others, even though I believed they in some ways contributed to my vulnerability and abuse. I was convinced by my abuser that I deserved the brutality and he reinforced this message by constant berating me. I thought the masks I used to hide my reality gave me complete control and protect from being discarded, if my secrets of violation and perversion were revealed. I spent a time hiding each piece of my broken life, believing the lie that I was worthless.
It took years for me to discover the truth. 17The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise. (Psalm 51:17 KJV). The truth is that Gods values our brokenness and our brokenness is a most valuable treasure in God’s hands. The truth is God puts a value on broken things, especially broken people. The truth is that God wants to re-purpose our brokenness for great things. It took my second suicide attempt to allow my complete and total breakdown and it was through that breakdown that I received my breakthrough to truth. But praise God I did not stop there. I am on a journey to truly break free, overcoming the pain and destruction caused by my childhood abuse. Breaking free meant to be completely open and honest, even vulnerable about my past; releasing all the power it held over me.
Just like the broken glass, I delivered my pain to God’s recycle bin to be re-purposed for Kingdom use and for Him to change lives through me. Just like the recycled glass can save a life, my vulnerability in sharing the pain and progress of healing through my faith in Jesus Christ can change lives. The re-purposing of my pain has birthed an organization, VOICE Today, Inc., to be a speak for the voiceless through child sexual abuse awareness, prevention and healing programs. I challenge you to welcome your breakdown, receive your breakthrough and break free to be used mightily by God. I will never know where the broken glass of my life will end up, but I work to do my part by placing it in the recycle bin to be molded for a new and wonderful plan that only God knows. Now all that pain, totally surrendered to the hands of our Father God, will be Molded by the Potter for a new and powerful use to help others break free.
Visit VOICE Today at www.voicetoday.org and learn how God is birthing a grassroots movement to protect children and help survivors heal!
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