30 Years Ago Tonight

Thirty years ago tonight I tried to take my life.  I was at the lowest point of desperation and had no where to turn, no one to care, and felt I had no other options.  To those of you reading this blog, and have experienced thoughts of suicide, perhaps even planned it out in your head or gone as far as I did and actually attempt, I implore you to stop and get help.  I planned to kill myself a thousand different ways with my first attempt as young as 8 years old.  On this night 30 years ago, at age 17, I made a more deliberate  attempt and I executed the plan.  I ingested 64 sleeping pills and drank a bottle of vodka in the deep of the woods, where my body would not be found for days.  

I was one of the lucky ones who attempt suicide.  I received a miracle, a divine intervention that saved my life.   At the time I didn't understand why, I just felt like a failure and made two other futile attempts on this night 30 years ago.  

I know what it feels like to feel worthless, hopeless and helpless.  This side of 30 years, I also see the value of my life and how many lives would not exist nor be on their path to healing, without the interception with my life.  I see two special lives that God allowed me to birth, and they will leave a huge fingerprint on humanity.  I have a precious soulmate in my husband, that would never have known the closeness and intimacy we share.  I founded an organization, VOICE TODAY (www.voicetoday.org) that is working diligently to break the silence & cycle of child sexual abuse through awareness, prevention and healing programs and resources.  In my broken desperation 30 years ago  I could not see into the future, and I see now had I succeeded what a selfish act that would have been.

God has a purpose and plan for my life that only I can accomplish.   Many can take up the torch of child sexual abuse awareness, prevention and healing but only I can do it like Angela Williams, with my specially created gifts, talents and fingerprint.  God has a purpose and a plan for your life.  God had a purpose for my life for nothing else to reach you today to say there is a better way.  There is ALWAYS hope even if we are blinded to it, and it may be just crying out to God to show you the direction of the light of hope.  

My pain was rooted in 14 years of verbal, physical, emotional and sexual abuse iced with abandonment and neglect.  I don't know the root of your pain but I do know that we serve a powerful and mighty God that loves you deeply and has created you for greatness  I know that my life was spared for a reason, to stand in the gap with all those that are hurting so deeply and tell them that they deserve to live.  Not just live but to live the life God created them for; full of love, passion, purpose and peace.  My prayer for you today is that you find hope and healing on a path to freedom.  I pray that you will be freed from any self destructive thoughts or behaviors.  

That path may include professional help, a spiritual experience, a friend or family member to encourage and support your healing journey.  Our journeys are all different.   I pray that you reach out from your isolation and find your VOICE to tell whoever is in your world, that you need help and share any thoughts or plans of suicide.  I promise you that those thoughts are not the answer.  The answer is to believe that the pain you feel can and will heal.

Today, thirty years later from the moment I attempted to end my life, I celebrate my life.  I see this day as an anniversary of a new birth of freedom and I celebrate every life I have been honored to touch!

Bless you and my prayers are with you.  

A MESSAGE FROM ANGELA WILLIAMS

STANDING IN THE GAP IN 2013

This is the year that our voices will be heard!  Our volume will get louder and louder until the masses hear and understand that child sexual abuse is a heinous crime cocooned in silence that needs our urgent attention.  We must stand in the gap for those wounded, the children that need to be protected and the millions that need understanding.  Please join THE VOICE MOVEMENT Today by reaching out to offer whatever resource you can give;  time, talent or financial resources.  The next generation of children are depending on us to rise up and take a stand against the sexual abuse of children.  Now is the time to STAND IN THE GAP!  www.voicetoday.org