VOICE Up is about courage to break your silence and embrace healing from child sexual abuse. One goal is for us to understand why these experiences in childhood are so tremendously difficult to talk about. Why don’t more people VOICE UP? Why is it that child sexual abuse so traumatizes a child, that they protect the secret at all cost into adulthood? My thoughts go quickly to fear and shame.
The fear a victim faces takes many forms. The most obvious is repercussions from the perpetrator. Fear that all the threats leveraged to force silence and compliance will become a reality. Even as an adult, those tapes of, “I’ll hurt…, I’ll kill…, I’ll beat … if you tell,” play loud and clear in your mind. The threats become so ingrained into your belief system that you don’t doubt for a second that your loved one or even you yourself will be harmed. If they are evil enough to abuse you in the most perverse way, surely they are evil enough to abuse, even kill, those closest to you. It is a real and serious threat and the whole world needs to better understand this issue. Then maybe more victims of child sexual abuse would feel safe to disclose their traumatic story. I was threatened from age 3 to 17, by my abuser, my stepfather, that if I ever told he would kill my mother. When I would rebel or even cry during the sexual and physical assaults, he would tell me, “I’ll really give you something to cry about.” Then he would physically and emotionally abuse my mother and turn to me and say, “See what you have done.”
The fear of disbelief can be overwhelming because of the lies and brainwashing from the perpetrator. You hear repeatedly that no one will believe you, it will be your word against mine, you asked for it, you like it and it is for your own good.” I heard this from my stepfather constantly and most if not all victims have heard these statements from their perpetrator.
Fear of what will people think of me ushers in embarrassment and shame. We feel so damaged by the sexual violation, as a child, that we guard the secret so tight for fear of how people will react and respond to us. In many cases a young child simply does not have the words to explain what is happening. Also, they many not understand the gravity of the events. I acted out with strange behaviors as a child, but I could never put into words what my stepfather was doing to me, and I trembled in fear of him.
Shame is an overwhelming emotion for a victim of child sexual abuse. Sadly our society stigmatizes the victim and often protects the perpetrator. The shame of being raped, sometimes by same sex, being fondled, being forced to perform oral sex, being forced to see pornography, all heaps an enormous amount of shame on the victim. The fact that many of these actions actually “feel” good, creates more confusion and shame for the victim. Then there are the brutal attacks that are excruciatingly painful. These acts murder the innocence of a child and leave them feeling damaged and dirty, robbing them of their VOICE and their ability to heal. I felt so dirty and damaged I would look in the mirror and claw my face.
I praise God that I have found the path to healing, and have been on a journey to healing for many years. Today I live without fear and shame. VOICE Up is about releasing fear and shame of the evil of childhood sexual abuse and finding a path to healing that will offer self value, self worth, self love, peace and joy.
Join THE VOICE MOVEMENT!
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