One way to avoid facing the violence, violation and trauma of child sexual abuse is to characterize it with a word that does not conjure up a harsh image. In fact “Molestation” does not bring with it any particular image at all. Child sexual abuse is a crime where an adult takes power and control over the child and forces or entices the child to engage in sexual activity.
When a child is shot, you picture a gunshot wound and blood. When a child is stabbed you picture a knife and a puncture wound. In both cases the outcome may be death or serious harm, but when you hear the word “molestation” you have no picture. Our minds don’t want to travel to dark side of child sexual abuse so, for sheer protection; we visualize some form of inappropriate, if not gentle, contact. We don’t consider that the first “gentle” contact is only a precursor to severe sexual violence. We don’t consider the emotional trauma that comes with even that “gentle” touch. We may tend to process what we see or hear in the context of an adult relationship, when sexual activity is fun and enjoyable. For the child nothing could be farther from the reality.
Why don’t the media report that a child was raped, sodomized, penetrated with a blunt object, or forced to perform oral sex? Why does society package and hide all these heinous acts behind the sanitary word “molestation”? The answer to this question is, in large measure, that society is offended by the visual image of a small, maybe 5-7 year old, child being raped, sodomized or performing oral sex. The most critical point that society misses is that it is much easier to read and watch a video reporting these things than to live them. How does the child get true understanding, empathy and help, if society cannot and will not embrace the reality of the violence they experience.
It is time for our culture to wake-up to the truth about child sexual abuse and be educated on the issue, the devious behaviors of predators and prevention steps that enhance the safety of children. Child sexual abuse is not like an allergy or an infection, where one takes medicine, the problem goes away and in a few months is forgotten. It is an crime that tears at the very fiber of the child’s being and it alters your identity in such a way as to coat you with shame and self-hatred. For many victims there is not a day that goes by that their childhood sexual abuse does not haunt them in one way or another. Child sexual abuse is indeed the murder of innocence and thus the picture seen, the words used and the penalties imposed should mirror the gravity of the acts.
Child sexual abuse, and all the acts packaged into this crime, is a hard pill to swallow and a difficult issue to discuss. However, each of us must get past the initial shock, recognize the devastating, life-long impact of the violence and get tough and aggressive about protection and prevention. Our children are being victimized at an alarming rate. The CDC reports 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused before their 18th birthday. As if those statistics aren’t scary enough, know that these facts are based on reported abuse and millions upon millions of cases go unreported. Of the thousands of survivors in the VOICE family , only a handful reported their childhood sexual abuse to authorities and sought justice. Also note that the CDC statistics reflect only penetration and fondling. Other forms of childhood sexual abuse like exposure to pornography, exhibitionism, voyeurism, and other forms of evil perpetrated against a child are not included in these reported statistics. Regardless of the numbers, the victimization of one child is too many.
What can we do? If you are an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse, we encourage you to find a safe person and break your silence and begin to heal. You need to tell your story to heal and others need to hear your story to learn about the predator, about the issue and about prevention and protection. Stop using the word molestation and have the courage to report truth. Join The VOICE Movement at www.voicetoday.org and get involved in breaking the silence and cycle of child sexual abuse through awareness, prevention and healing programs.
I am a survivor of child sexual abuse. I wasn’t “molested”. I was raped thousands of times over 14 years by my stepfather.
This is most certainly true. Aside from violent forms of child sexual abuse, people seem to think that nonviolent and "merely inappropriate" forms of sexual abuse are "no big deal" and are not crimes and should not be taken seriously. And when I was growing up, in the 60's and 70's, such "sanitized" forms of child sexual abuse were not crimes and when reported to authorities, were not taken seriously. I think what is not realized is that "nonviolent" or "low-risk" sex offenders can "graduate to violent sex offenders who not only rape but murder their victims.
ReplyDeleteThank you! Thank you! ...for this article. I don't know how many times I have thought these very same words. One of the most painful things I have had to work through is the fact that my mother refuses to hear what happened to me. All she knows is that I was "molested," that the man she was married to did bad things to my brother and I. When I told her, as an adult, she did not believe me. It wasn't until an aunt told her that my father abused her when she was growing up that my mother finally believed me. Only two or three months later she told me she forgave my father. I wanted to scream, "For what???!!!" You have no idea what he did to us so how can you say you forgive him? She refuses to deal with the hard parts-the reality of what he did, much less how it has affected my whole life!
ReplyDeleteYeah, it's time we wake people up to the reality of this incredibly hideous and damaging abuse. It may have taken minutes or even seconds for the abuse to happen, but it often takes a lifetime to heal from.