Molestation-A Very Sanitary Word

One way to avoid facing the violence, violation and trauma of child sexual abuse is to characterize it with a word that does not conjure up a harsh image.  In fact “Molestation” does not bring with it any particular image at all.  Child sexual abuse is a crime where an adult takes power and control over the child and forces or entices the child to engage in sexual activity. 

When a child is shot, you picture a gunshot wound and blood. When a child is stabbed you picture a knife and a puncture wound. In both cases the outcome may be death or serious harm, but when you hear the word “molestation” you have no picture.  Our minds don’t want to travel to dark side of child sexual abuse so, for sheer protection; we visualize some form of inappropriate, if not gentle, contact. We don’t consider that the first “gentle” contact is only a precursor to severe sexual violence. We don’t consider the emotional trauma that comes with even that “gentle” touch.  We may tend to process what we see or hear in the context of an adult relationship, when sexual activity is fun and enjoyable.  For the child nothing could be farther from the reality.

Why don’t the media report that a child was raped, sodomized, penetrated with a blunt object, or forced to perform oral sex?   Why does society package and hide all these heinous acts behind the sanitary word “molestation”?  The answer to this question is, in large measure, that society is offended by the visual image of a small, maybe 5-7 year old, child being raped, sodomized or performing oral sex.  The most critical point that society misses is that it is much easier to read and watch a video reporting these things than to live them.  How does the child get true understanding, empathy and help, if society cannot and will not embrace the reality of the violence they experience.

It is time for our culture to wake-up to the truth about child sexual abuse and be educated on the issue, the devious behaviors of predators and prevention steps that enhance the safety of children.  Child sexual abuse is not like an allergy or an infection, where one takes medicine, the problem goes away and in a few months is forgotten.  It is an crime that tears at the very fiber of the child’s being and it alters your identity in such a way as to coat you with shame and self-hatred.   For many victims there is not a day that goes by that their childhood sexual abuse does not haunt them in one way or another.  Child sexual abuse is indeed the murder of innocence and thus the picture seen, the words used and the penalties imposed should mirror the gravity of the acts.

Child sexual abuse, and all the acts packaged into this crime, is a hard pill to swallow and a difficult issue to discuss.  However, each of us must get past the initial shock, recognize the devastating, life-long impact of the violence and get tough and aggressive about protection and prevention.  Our children are being victimized at an alarming rate.  The CDC reports 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused before their 18^th birthday.  As if those statistics aren’t scary enough, know that these facts are based on reported abuse and millions upon millions of cases go unreported.  Of the thousands of survivors in the VOICE family , only a handful reported their childhood sexual abuse to authorities and sought justice.  Also note that the CDC statistics reflect only penetration and fondling.  Other forms of childhood sexual abuse like exposure to pornography, exhibitionism, voyeurism, and other forms of evil perpetrated against a child are not included in these reported statistics.  Regardless of the numbers, the victimization of one child is too many.  

What can we do?  If you are an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse, we encourage you to find a safe person and break your silence and begin to heal.  You need to tell your story to heal and others need to hear your story to learn about the predator, about the issue and about prevention and protection. Stop using the word molestation and have the courage to report truth.  Join The VOICE Movement at www.voicetoday.org and get involved in breaking the silence and cycle of child sexual abuse through awareness, prevention and healing programs.  

I am a survivor of child sexual abuse.  I wasn’t “molested”.  I was raped thousands of times over 14 years by my stepfather.

MY STORY 

All I Want For Christmas...

At five years old, toothless, I sang, “All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth,” but deep down I wanted so much more.  I wanted a day without fear of abuse.  I wanted that childlike wonder that I saw all around me at Christmas time.  Abuse came in all flavors in my home.  One wrong move and it was all out war, with screaming of obscenities, swinging of fists, open hand slaps across the face, pulling of hair, shaking until  fireworks burst in my head.  Then in moments of calm I tried to catch my breath, but I was lured behind closed doors.  Shockingly, my stepfather was even so brazen to conduct his evil out in the open.  He forced me, with his iron hand, to perform perverted acts and tell me how much he loved me and this special time was our secret.  He said he needed to teach me so much about life.   If ever I rebelled the violence would escalate and then he would turn on my mother and blame me.  As I grew older he threatened killing my mother if I ever told.  My abuse started at age 3 and did not end until age 17. 

As a grown woman I know too much about life.  I know about the most evil acts perpetrated on a child.  Though for years I felt to blame, I know now I did nothing to deserve such inhumane violence.   

Days before Christmas my heart breaks for to the millions upon millions of children that are suffering in their own personal hell, bearing the burden of abuse alone with the world turning a blind eye.   There are millions of children whose childlike wonder has been robbed by child sexual abuse and I know that pain.

I may be idealistic but all I want for Christmas is a world that is safe for children and healing for survivors.  My Christmas wish is for adults to face the silent epidemic of child sexual abuse with a courage and compassion to make a difference.   We can not continue to look the other way while millions of children are slaughtered by sexual abuse, and while millions of adults live in the shadows, hiding the pain of abuse with most of them suffering in self destructive behaviors.    Courage means that you become vigilant and a protector of the most vulnerable among us, and compassionate to those who have suffered.  My Christmas wish is to save the innocence that is stolen and to protect the childlike wonder and joy that is destroyed through these vile acts. 

I wish more people would (that you would) get involved with our Movement, THE VOICE MOVEMENT, to battle for social change in terms of addressing the root issues behind abuse, legal change with removing the statute of limitations for prosecuting, and educating adults who work with and around children about prevention and protection.  As I plow through all the daily  issues and challenges associated with VOICE Today, I wish for the resources and the people to do the work needed, and for strategic relationships to be established that will allow us to get our prevention and protections training materials recognized, accepted, widely distributed, and everyone is trained to predict and prevent.   I pray for a day when my phone doesn’t ring with another story of a child whose been brutally assaulted and left confused and injured to navigate life, which already holds mountains of challenges.  My wish is for THE VOICE MOVEMENT to become viral to promote awareness, prevention and healing programs worldwide.

You can help make my Christmas wish come true.  Please take five minutes to watch the VOICE Today POP Points.  VOICE Up, have courage to protect the children in your sphere of contact.  Join the VOICE MOVEMENT – donate, volunteer, host a prevention and healing workshop in 2012! 

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Breakdown... Breakthrough... Break Free

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. 

(Psalm 34:18 NIV)

A glass slips out of my hand, I immediately grab a broom and sweep up the broken pieces and throw it in the trash.  I make certain all the pieces are discarded so weeks later we aren’t performing surgery with a sewing needle to dig a piece of glass out of a foot.  I make sure to prevent future pain from my mistake.  Broken items immediately loose their worth in the world.  Even a crack deems them damaged and no longer valued.  If I dispose the glass in the trash, it goes to a landfill and looses value forever.  But if I take the shattered pieces and place them in my recycle bin then within months this broken glass will be re-purposed to possibly become a test tube that holds the cure for cancer.

I viewed my own emotional brokenness the same way.   I spent years hiding severe emotional, verbal, physical and sexual abuse at the hands of my stepfather.  I believed the lies of the enemy that I was damaged goods and had lost my value because my scars of pain, shame and guilt.  These, I thought, represented sin in my life.  As a result, I wanted complete control over this pain and spent an enormous amount of energy trying to keep “it” together, fighting the insanity and hiding my brokenness in the deepest crevices of my soul.  I suffered in a silent prison of pain.  As I swept up my broken glass and took it to the garbage, I kept my pain well hidden and even feared that, as the residue of glass on the floor could injure someone, my pain could hurt others.    I embraced silence as a way to protect others, even though I believed they in some ways contributed to my vulnerability and abuse.   I was convinced by my abuser that I deserved the brutality and he reinforced this message by constant berating me.   I thought the masks I used to hide my reality gave me complete control and protect from being discarded, if my secrets of violation and perversion were revealed.  I spent a time hiding each piece of my broken life, believing the lie that I was worthless.

It took years for me to discover the truth.  ¹⁷The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise. (Psalm 51:17 KJV). The truth is that Gods values our brokenness and our brokenness is a most valuable treasure in God’s hands.  The truth is God puts a value on broken things, especially broken people.  The truth is that God wants to re-purpose our brokenness for great things.  It took my second suicide attempt to allow my complete and total breakdown and it was through that breakdown that I received my breakthrough to truth.  But praise God I did not stop there.  I am on a journey to truly break free, overcoming the pain and destruction caused by my childhood abuse.  Breaking free meant to be completely open and honest, even vulnerable about my past; releasing all the power it held over me.

Just like the broken glass, I delivered my pain to God’s recycle bin to be re-purposed for Kingdom use and for Him to change lives through me.  Just like the recycled glass can save a life, my vulnerability in sharing the pain and progress of healing through my faith in Jesus Christ can change lives.  The re-purposing of my pain has birthed an organization, VOICE Today, Inc., to be a speak for the voiceless through child sexual abuse awareness, prevention and healing programs.   I challenge you to welcome your breakdown, receive your breakthrough and break free to be used mightily by God.  I will never know where the broken glass of my life will end up, but I work to do my part by placing it in the recycle bin to be molded for a new and wonderful plan that only God knows.  Now all that pain, totally surrendered to the hands of our Father God, will be Molded by the Potter for a new and powerful use to help others break free.

Visit VOICE Today at www.voicetoday.org and learn how God is birthing a grassroots movement to protect children and help survivors heal!